When I need sleep,
I take melatonin.

When I shouldn’t sleep,
I take caffeine (of any sort).

When I shouldn’t sleep, then need to sleep,
I confuse my body. 

I’m enveloped in 
deep purple and
ebony black.

I’ve been lost
in the splashes
of scarlet red.

The sunshine yellow
fluid drains from
my olive skin.

I can’t find the
pinks, greens,
lavenders anymore.

I’ve lost sight of the pastels.

I can’t seem to locate the neon.

I’m engulfed in
midnight indigo,
atrous, brunneous,
cardinal, cinerious,
claret,  corbeau,
melanic, and slate.

I am filemot: a dead leaf color.

I thought if I could
cling to your breath,
I’d not wish to

                                        suffocate.

I thought if I could 
just hold onto you,
I’d not wish to let go of

                                        Me.

                                        I

thought if I could
learn to be content, 
I’d finally stop the

                                        want.

I thought if I could
just be with you, stay,
I’d get over the need

                                        to leave. 

I just found someone to practice Czech with. I’m so happy. 

love-in-a-mist:

cling
to my
words
as I
cling
to your
lips.

inhaling
every
breath
that you
breathe
into me.

give me 
life
and love.
 

Beautiful.

Drifting and melting away
into my own subconscious
where I see you consistently.

When my diaphragm compresses
my lungs to send oxygen in the
direction of my heart,

I’ll nestle back onto the
sweet fantasies that pluck
my emotions raw.

Then I’ll wake up refreshed
with your magnificent scent
still on my skin. 

Though it hasn’t been long,
I am feeling so fond
of you. 

I know I am young 
and you are mature
but I quite enjoy
being yours. 

I don’t want to breathe anymore.
I don’t want to think anymore.

I just want it to stop.
     Make it stop.
     Make it stop.
     Make it stop! 

I don’t want to feel anymore.
I don’t want to hear anymore.

I just want it to end.
     Make it end.
     Make it end.
     Make it end!

I don’t want to hide anymore.
I don’t want to cry anymore.

I just want it to leave.
     Why is it here?
     Why is it here?
     Why is it still here?!

What can I do to make it vanish?

Am I simply stuck in this state?

Will I make it out alive? 

And as I bite my tongue
to force the blood to shed,
I only remember the pain
from yesterday.

The red droplets fall
from my slack jaw
     plop, plop, plop
     onto the floor.

I swallow just to choke
on the rushing fluid.
     splat, splat, splat
     on the floor. 

My tongue swells and 
I gag on my own
metallic-tasting liquid.
     sploosh, sploosh, sploosh
     on the floor. 

I don’t even feel it.

I hug my sides so tightly
and I cry until my eyes
burn with hatred.

I curl into the fetal position
and I cry until my lungs
fall to their knees.

I cried so very hard
and I never shed a tear. 

     silence
     on the floor.